My friend Rob suggested that I toss my name in the hat of people to replace William Safire as columnist for the Times. I thought this was a good idea.

For one thing: My blog has a readership of at least three. I know this for a fact.

Also: I have experience in the newspaper business (okay, well my school newspaper. I once wrote an editoral in which I posited that Dr. Laura was "clinically prescribing hatred upon a society swept up in a frenzy of ant-gay sentiment." Oh yeah, I said it.)

So there you go. Really, the Gray Lady could do worse than to bring me on board. I even have my own typewriter.